new dad!

Joaquin Paez

Essay #1

09/25/2012

Becoming a dad!

 

I had been working in Visalia California for several weeks conducting Occupational Safety audits, while there I meet a beautiful woman who would later become the mother of my son. It was my last day in Visalia, I had been planning to leave early to beat the afternoon traffic, everything was going according to plan and suddenly she stepped in to my temporary office. At the time she was working for the same company as I was. We exchanged a couple of words and a couple of hours later we were having dinner. Nothing fancy, we were standing at a taco truck. It was the best first date I had ever had, no pressure, no need to impress, just me and her.

Over the next several months I found myself driving to Visalia every Friday, I would look for reasons to work out of the Visalia office, everything was just perfect. As you might expect we became a couple. It only took me several months to realize that she was the one for me. Communication between my parents and I has always been ideal. I remember it was a Sunday afternoon, I had just gotten back from Visalia.  Dinner was at its peak at the house, and my dad open the conversation with the following question “tell me about your relationship” at this point she had already been to the house several times, and it seemed like she had the approval from everyone in my family, which was very important to me. I then looked at my dad and I said “dad, she is the one.” He smiled and said “don’t mess it up”.

Approximately a month later from that dinner I was driving back from Visalia, it had been a horrible week. The weather was over a hundred degrees, my car had broken down and I was driving a rental, there was road work along freeway 99 and I was moving four miles per hour. To make things worse I had the worst argument with my girl before I left Visalia, we argued about going to Rosarito Mexico for the weekend. For some reason she believed that we were going to be kidnaped.

Just as I was losing my mind over the fact that the weather was horrible, traffic was bad and I was driving rental I got a call from my girl. She sounded somewhat nervous and just not herself, just as I began feeling victorious over the fact that she had called first she told she had something to tell me. I thought to myself, this is it she is going to apologize. I proudly said, go on I’m listening. She said “I’m pregnant”. I was speechless, I didn’t know what to say or how to react to that, I was silent for one or two minutes and then I asked her can you call me back and try it again, this time make it more romantic. She started laughing and so did I. We were on the phone for over two hours, I was so happy, scared, nervous and anxious it really took a lot for me to get my words right.

Two weeks went by, neither of us broke the news to our parents. It was different for us, approach and timing had to be perfect. I was really nervous to let more time go by since I felt I was hiding something of huge importance from my family, and at the same time I didn’t want to tell them. I never thought that I was not going to get support, or that I was going to be judged. At the time I was independent and responsible of my actions. However I did understand that I wasn’t quite where my parents wanted me to be before becoming a parent.

For her it was much easier, she was so excited about becoming a mom that I think that fact alone overpowered every other feeling of anxiety, fear or anything at all.  Don’t get me wrong, I was thrilled, about becoming a dad, but at the same time I started adding the numbers and they added up real fast. A week later, three weeks after I found out, we decided to break the news to my parents. We bought a small pillow that said “I love you grandma”, we all went out for dinner and we just didn’t find the right time, between appetizers and steak we forgot about the main purpose of that night. We got home, by now she was allowed to stay the night over, we talked a little about our amazing dinner and finally without thinking about anything I pulled the little pillow and I gave it to my mother, she read it and said “I was waiting for you to tell me” she got up and hugged us, my dad started laughing and said, you guys couldn’t have made it more obvious these past two weeks, no wine for her during dinners, no going out, and both of you freaking out every time I ask you how was your day. It was a huge weight lifted off my shoulders I felt so much support from my parents it’s hard to describe I thank my parents for reacting the way they did, I really believe that the positive response they gave us blessed my own family to be.

The following morning my girl left to Visalia with a plan, she was to wait for me and we would perform the same routine, we would go to dinner come home and pull the little pillow. To my surprise she called me ten minutes after arriving at her parents’ house. She had told them as soon as she got home. Part of me was upset because I wanted to be share that experience with her and part of me was happy that I didn’t have to go through that again. Overall there were really happy and accepting.

Baby preparations were on schedule once again, we had mayor support from both families and baby was healthy kicking. Several months later she moved to Oxnard, timing was perfect, pregnancy was coming along perfectly, I received a promotion at work, we purchased our first home and ultrasound confirmed we were having a baby boy. After that time just flew, I remember waking up around 4:30am to a lot of commotion, towards the final days of our pregnancy we were staying at my old room at my parents’ house, I continued to travel up and down the coast and my mom insisted that she stayed at the house. Good thing we did, the day I woke up to all that commotion my mom orchestrated everything as if she did that for a living, no rushing, no pressure, everything was just right.

She was admitted at St. John’s Regional Medical Center around 5:15am. The doctor came in the room and asked if I wanted to help, of course I said absolutely. My job was to stand alongside the doctor and distract her, try to her mind clear he said. I did my best but I think I failed miserably, she was in so much pain it was hard to watch. Although I wanted to witness the moment my son came to this world I missed it, I was so scared I looked the way. A minute later I found myself holding a beautiful baby boy.            

I know becoming a father has been the best experience for me, without a doubt it has given me many joyful moments that I will carry in my heart for the rest on my life. It’s hard to explain, but becoming a father has changed and shaped my life in such a positive way. Having been blessed with my son has helped pushed me forward, I was never a disturbed being, or had trouble with my life, but my son has definitely brought the best out of my. I see life with a different perspective, everything I do now has a purpose.